Sunday, December 19, 2010

My friend Patti Costello aka Patricia Evans

I got the news a few days ago. The love of my life died in a tragic accident.

We were together from October 1988 until July 1991. Not very long, but sometimes things just work out that way. I learned so much from her. I'm a better person for having known her.

Although I hadn't seen her in 15 years the news of her untimely demise tore me up. I decided I should dedicate a memorial site to her.

I've never stopped loving Patti but the old saying if you love someone you have to be prepared to let them go totally applied in this case.

There's a line in a Yonder Mountain String Band song about love burning bright as the sunset and lasting about as long. That describes our relationship I guess.

This picture made me think of a Jackson Browne Song, "Fountain Of Sorrow"

Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer
I was taken by a photograph of you
There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more
But they didn't show your spirit quite as true

You were turning 'round to see who was behind you
And I took your childish laughter by surprise
And at the moment that my camera happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes

Now the things that I remember seem so distant and so small
Though it hasn't really been that long a time
What I was seeing wasn't what was happening at all
Although for a while, our path did seem to climb
But when you see through love's illusions, there lies the danger
And your perfect lover just looks like a perfect fool
So you go running off in search of a perfect stranger
While the loneliness seems to spring from your life
Like a fountain from a pool

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to hide sometimes, but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

Now for you and me it may not be that hard to reach our dreams
But that magic feeling never seems to last
And while the future's there for anyone to change, still you know it's seems
It would be easier sometimes to change the past
I'm just one or two years and a couple of changes behind you
In my lessons at love's pain and heartache school
Where if you feel too free and you need something to remind you
There's this loneliness springing up from your life
Like a fountain from a pool

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight

You've had to hide sometimes but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to struggle, you've had to fight
To keep understanding and compassion in sight
You could be laughing at me, you've got the right
But you go on smiling so clear and so bright.

This is me and Patti at the annual poncho benefit in Seattle. Poncho (Patrons of Northwest Civic, Cultural and Charitable Organizations) raises funds to support the arts in Seattle.  

















Here's a shot in California. We traveled to California frequently to see the Grateful Dead. This is most likely Marin County which is where I lived before I moved back to Seattle and got to know Patti.








Here she is riding the cow outside the Hard Rock Cafe in San Francisco.










Here we are at the local auto repair shop. BMW, Broke My Wallet.
Patti studying, our friend Brion checking the box scores or something.









We went to a Seattle Sonics game. Patti was turning cartwheels.
Patti has a smile that has been known to melt hearts.
Reading the Seattle Times. I used to deliver the Seattle Times when I was a kid.
In California for the annual Grateful Dead New Years concert.
Getting ready for the show...
Party like it's 1989!
I like this picture of Patti and I.
We drove matching BMW 2002's. Hers was green, mine was red. Synchronicity my friends. Here's mine
Here's Patti's.
Winter in Ballard. Red and Green 2002's in the driveway.

 Patti and my friend Mark. Patti was full of joy and it was contagious.
Patti cake.
Snow day in Ballard.
There's Patti at our place in Ballard.
Patti at home. Patti didn't wear makeup. She didn't need it. She had a glowing natural beauty that most women would love to have. That's one reason I was attracted to her.

Patti had lots of friends. Unfortunately I can't remember this one's name but she lived near 51st and Phinney in Seattle. I'm better at numbers than names.
Patti beautiful Patti.
Here we are at Kalaloch Lodge & Cabins. on the Pacific Coast of the Olympic Peninsula. Beautiful place. The cabins had no phones or T.V.'s. In the 1980's that meant something. Now days you can whip out your smart phone and have both.
Patti outside our cabin. Looking out on the Pacific Ocean.
Getting the fire started.















                                     Beautiful Patti.
This is a shot from the 101 highway in California. On our way to a Dead Show.















Here we are dressed to kill. I have to admit I looked good with her. You think I was happy at the time? Duh.















The only pictures of Patti where she isn't beaming is when she was sleeping.
Patti was a talented artist and earned her degree from the University Of Washington. Notice kitty sleeping on her.
There's kitty in a baseball glove. I see a dozen red roses in the background. We often had fresh flowers on display. I owe that to Patti, she loved flowers. I loved her. Any questions?
Me next to my car wearing the tie dye shorts Patti made for me. Also wearing my Speed Racer T shirt my friend Jay Bob made. Heck, I got most of my clothing from friends in those days.
 I snuck up & took this shot in a mirror. We were in California for a benefit concert.















Here's Patti at a concert in Oakland California. It featured Los Lobos, Tower Of Power, John Fogarty (backed by the Grateful Dead) and of course the Good Ol' Grateful Dead. It was a benefit to fund AIDS research.
















Jeez, I still have that back pack and mexi blanket but I lost the centerpiece. Shit.

Patti had a smile that shot love rays into you. No one was immune.
There's the Grateful Dead playing at the In Concert Against AIDS benefit. That's Clarence Clemons on Sax.
The next day we took a San Francisco Streetcar, there's Patti on board.















Here we are in San Francisco. Patti never took a bad picture. I can't claim the same.
Patti in a hotel room prolly before a Dead Show.
Patti in the woods, Olympic National Park.
Patti up a tree, Olympic National Park.
We played on a coed softball team, the Cookieheads. We were featured on the TV news one night because we hadn't won a game in three years. Funny thing happened the night they filmed us for the news, we won. Not only that but we won the championship that year in our division. Weird but true. Patti power? Probably.
Pictured below is Patti and Terri. In the background on the right you can see Patti's best friend Patty O sitting on the car, next to her is Nature Boy, he played barefoot. On the far left you can see Denny, who I've known since high school. Good dude. We were proud to wear the Cookiehead pinstripes.

What was the origin of the team name? A 1987 Robert Townsend film called "The Hollywood Shuffle" that had a break dancing character named Cookiehead Jenkins. He was our inspiration. Back in the day we were sworn to secrecy but now it can be told.

I've been around the world since then but I kept my trophy. Cookieheads were awesome. Instead of having a corporate sponsor we split the league membership cost amongst ourselves. I still have my jersey.
 The TV sports personality who featured us was Wayne Cody, a TV sports legend in Seattle.
Thanks Wayne, we sucked before you featured us on the news. Then we started winning.
Pictured above are from left to right, Denny & Brad celebrating a victory. The knee elbow and ear on the left belong to Patty O, Patti's bestest friend since childhood.



Notice Denny & Brad exchanging a fist bump in 1991, 17 years before Obama popularized it. Cookieheads were trendsetters.




This is the last picture of Patti I have. We broke up in 1991. In 1994 I took a job in the US territory of Guam. In 1995 I got a phone call out of the blue from Patti. She was in Hawaii and needed help. I told her I would buy her a ticket on the next Continental Micronesia flight from there to here. I told her she would always have my support. She spent a week on Guam and hated it. Heck, Guam was an island 35 miles long and 3 to 7 miles wide and it can be claustrophobic for some people.

This is Patti at a park atop Nimitz Hill, a place I used to go to star gaze. Also the hill that had to be taken first when the US re took Guam from the Japanese in WWII. The main invasion beach was below this hill. Besides star gazing I've also seen ghostly phenomenon. A lot of people died here during the war.
If you love someone unconditionally you have to be prepared to let them go. I ponied up $600 to fly her to Guam and I spent another $600 to fly her back to Hawaii. No regrets. I've never known love like that before or since. My only wish for Patti was for her to be happy. If I have any regrets in my life one would be not being that person that could make her happy.

We stayed in touch for a while. I hosted weekly radio program on the NPR station, classic rock, the stuff we grew up on. I taped every show & sent them to Patti for a while. There are some shout outs to Patti on some of those tapes. Maybe somewhere in her personal effects are some cassette tapes labeled "Remnants" with a date. Remnants was the name of my show. KPRG FM 89.3, Agana, Guam. I got the gig after Jerry Garcia died. I asked the station programmer Ron Ockert If I could do a Jerry tribute show and that evolved into a weekly gig.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One more thing, if you've read this far, read this. Another Jackson Browne song, For A Dancer. What the heck, Jackson says it better than I could.



I dedicate this to Patti:

"FOR A DANCER"
Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don`t remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you`d always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you`re nowhere to be found

I don`t know what happens when people die
Can`t seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It`s like a song I can hear playing right in my
ear
That I can`t sing
I can`t help listening
And I can`t help feeling stupid standing `round
Crying as they ease you down
`Cause I know that you`d rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(Right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(There`s nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that you`ve been shown
By everyone you`ve ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another`s steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you`ll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don`t let the uncertainty turn you around
(The world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you`ll never know

Kitty now big Kitty.
Patti Ann Costello, born July 11, 1965 died December 09, 2010
Patti I'm so sorry you died. I would have been fine even if I never saw you again as long as you were happy and you died an old lady. Unfortunately that was not the case. I wish it weren't so.

Excerpt from a poem by Aeschylus.
Even in our sleep,
Pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart,
until in our own deep despair
against our will,
comes wisdom
through the awful grace of God.